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Jokes and Funny stuff. Tired of getting the same jokes in your email that your aunt or sister has sent you but want to share it. Put it here and let everyone in on the joke

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Ralph the chicken
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Default Ralph the chicken - 08-31-2007, 02:16 PM

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his
sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St.Peter said,
"You died in your sleep, Ralph."


Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be!
I've got too much to live for. Send me back!
St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and
that is as a chicken."


Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm Near his
home.


The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and
pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, huh?
How's your first day here?"


"Not bad," replied Ralph the hen, "but I have this strange
Feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!"
"You're ovulati ng," explained the rooster.
"Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?"
"Never," said Ralph.


"Well, just relax and let it happen," says the rooster. "It's no big
deal."


Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!
Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon Laid
another
egg -- his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the
Back of his head, and heard his wife shout.....

"Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You're shitting in the bed!"
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Default 08-31-2007, 02:43 PM

I had a friend in college shit himself in his sleep after drinking heavily. Needless to say we taunted him mercillesly for it.


Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward.
Whoever cannot take care of themselves without that law is both.
For a wounded man shall say to his assailant,
'If I live, I will kill you. If I die, You are forgiven.'
Such is the rule of honor.
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